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- Apt to Disappoint: APT
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419 W. 13th St., 212-414-42457
Though its D.J. bookings are unsurpassed, we may never spend another night at the apartment-themed club APT. The downstairs “dance floor” is sandwiched between seating areas; the low ceilings give us claustrophobia; and, most damning, the sound is so weak (cutouts are common when the music heats up) that it makes us long for home and our own CDs. When techno icon Michael Mayer D.J.’d, the speakers sputtered, dancers fought for space, and we had to go outside more than once just to calm our nerves. —Ethan Brown
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- Antisocial Security: Irving Plaza
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17 Irving Place, 212-777-6800
New York nightlife has had an authoritarian feel for a while now, but seeing a band at Irving Plaza reminds us of a trip to Rikers Island. There are the doormen who bark commands, the mandatory cash bag-check, the long I.D. lines. What takes things from irritating to intolerable, though, is the insipid sound, which sacrifices all else in favor of pure volume. Meanwhile, the raised VIP area is infuriating enough to spark a class war. Ah, but that won’t happen here—the one thing for which we can thank Irving Plaza’s goon squad. —Ethan Brown