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Illustration by Rami Niemi
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Marquee
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289 Tenth Ave., nr. 27th St.; 646-473-0202
The revamped meatpacking spot is now a trance- and house-centric ode to LEDs, go-go dancing, and sparkling magnums of Champagne.
The Scene:
Like a future where the D.J. king controls the fog machine, an EDM “visualist” bathes revelers in flash, and showgirl serfs earn their keep on catwalks.
The Line:
Buy a ticket for one of the headliners (David Guetta, Tiesto), and swoop in with minimal door hassle. Otherwise, entry is at the whim of the bouncer.
The Dance Floor:
The roof was raised 30 feet during the renovation, but that doesn’t help anyone subject to gravity. Prepare to be hair-lashed by enthusiastic clubbers.
The Crowd:
Finance beat-heads in button-downs, Cuba Gooding Jr.
Best Reason to Visit the Bathroom:
Brooklyn toile wallpaper designed by Mike D. downstairs, and a scratch-and-sniff banana variety upstairs.
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Finale
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199 Bowery, at Spring St.; 212-627-1235
This 6,000-square- foot tufted vault, located within a multi-venue complex, is a collaboration between the EMM Group and the folks behind Pacha.
The Scene:
Like a future where clubbers in neon-lit robot costumes roam free, limber ladies swing from the ceilings, and Sweden’s Icona Pop perform on poles.
The Line:
The good news: No cover. The bad news: No cover means longer wait times (typically 30 to 45 minutes) with a one-in, one-out door policy.
The Dance Floor:
Avoid it. You’ll have a better time—and more room—doing the sprinkler to Zedd or Martin Solveig along the railing of the second tier, nearest the no-reservation tables.
The Crowd:
Fashion beat-heads in sequins, Lindsay Lohan.
Best Reason to Visit the Bathroom:
It’s an oasis of spacious wood-walled stalls and marble countertops. The only thing missing is the spa music.
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Output
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74 Wythe Ave., at N. 12th St., Williamsburg; outputclub.com
The first of its kind in North Brooklyn, the Berlin-style electroclub fits 452 party people, but promises more when the roof opens in spring.
The Scene:
Like a future where the world has ended—but hey, at least your bunker is tricked out with a sick Funktion-One sound system.
The Line:
Show up around 10:30 p.m. to avoid an excruciating hours-long wait, and pack a granola bar; things won’t get going till 1:30 a.m. or later.
The Dance Floor:
The roomiest of the three by a long shot—which is terrific. The point here is to dance, not just see and be seen.
The Crowd:
Brooklyn beat-heads in beanies, D.J. Sasha (but he was working).
Best Reason to Visit the Bathroom:
Hanky-panky. (They’re unisex.)
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